Don't Get too Comfortable

It amazes me how easy it is to manipulate a situation once you understand a few basic principles.
Principle: Do Not Get Too Comfortable With Your Partner.
The Ming Dynasty vases, her collection of Rembrandt and Picasso paintings and the shiny new Rolls Royce parked outside immediately told me that the woman had exquisite taste. Her husband was an international banker and had provided her with all the finer things in life. Even so, I was a consistent fixture in her inner circle. It was easy for my trained eye to notice why; the man was sloppy.
He was ignorant to the rules.
Rule: Acquiring is easier than maintaining.
No doubt her husband had pulled all the stops in his initial pursuit, but once he acquired her affection he dropped his guard. He started taking things for granted. Rich or not, she didn't like finding raggedy underwear laying in the middle of the floor or smelling his rancid behind because he didn't feel like showering or brushing his teeth before coming to bed. These are just a few signs that he had gotten too comfortable. Now I'm helping her spend his money.
Things To Avoid: Just a few simple actions would have kept me from his treasure...
* Do not allow the person in the bathroom when you are using it.
* Make sure you keep sexy underwear on hand and do not walk around naked.
* A nice fragrance, especially ones with pheromones, is a must.
* Give sincere compliments on a regular basis.
* Tell them how important they are to you and do it often.
Applying these five suggestions will go a long way towards maintaining the magic of your relationship. It's a shame this international banker didn't get the memo.
Point To Ponder: Take care of home or someone like me will.

W.I.F.M

The sound of classic R&B greeted me as I opened the front door. I love Old School. It's nice to finally be home. "This is such an impractical color." I thought to myself as I slipped off my Italian loafers and into the plush Bally slippers I kept in the foyer. This routine was a royal pain, but I didn't want to risk staining the carpet. Alpaca is expensive enough, but white Alpaca is practically priceless. I moved through the formal sitting area past the dining room and into the kitchen, removing clothing along the way. I poured a glass of wine, made a bowl of fresh fruit and cashews, and retreated to my favorite recliner in the den. The last few hours had been rather hectic as I ducked and dodged the paparazzi in their futile attempts to photograph me. As these "Confessions of a Gigolo" posts grow in popularity, the risk of my discovery increases. As I sat in my chair, I began to evaluate myself. Why do I do what I do? The initial response would be the insane amount of money I collect for my services, but that's only the surface. Am I really that shallow?

Four letters came to mind as I probed deeper for the root cause. WIFM. Most of us tune into these call letters, some more than others, but we are all guilty of listening every now and again. WIFM checks our motives...it measures our character. Often times it displays our selfishness. Could this particular frequency be a major cause of relationship dysfunction? Whenever a person tries to manipulate or control the actions of others, they are tuning into this station. If you have ever said, "This is me, like it or not." or "It's my way or the highway, " you are a frequent listener and are probably single while reading this post. Suddenly my phone rang. It was Jennifer.

"I'm sorry about earlier, she said. "But ever since I got my divorce from ****, the media has been all over me."

"No problem, it comes with the territory," I answered.

"Are you sleepy? I will pay you three thousand dollars to come see me." she teased.

"How about I charge you ten thousand to come over here?" I countered.

"It's a deal! I'm getting in the car right now, see you in a few."

WIFM (What's In it For Me?) The money... I guess I am that shallow. 

The 3i Principle for Healthy Relationships

I apologize for my brief hiatus, I just needed a vacation. As I lay in my hammock swinging back and forth enjoying the cool Caribbean breeze, I relished the thought of traveling abroad unencumbered by the strains of a nagging companion. I was in the moment, unknown to the world and enjoying every second of it.
"Vincent! Omg! what are you doing here?"
"Damn..."
I knew that voice. I disguised my irritation as I raised to my elbows and squinted against the sun.
"Just trying to relax." I said. It's been a while. How is your son?"
"Growing like a weed. He's almost two."
"Wow. And the S.O. (significant other)?"
"He's cool." she said while drawing a figure eight in the sand with her toes.
Being the astute professional I am, I immediately picked up on her unspoken dismay.
"Talk." I said.
She continued her drawing as if she hadn't heard me.
It was obvious she was having a moment, but time was money and I was off the clock so...
"Lindsay, It was nice seeing you again, but I..."
"He's a jerk! she finally said. Her anger was undeniable.
"From the very beginning he pushed himself on me!"
Sigh, I was stuck. The only thing I could do was play this thing out.
"Excuse me." I said to the attendant as she passed in front of me.
"I will  have two Saratogas, one with a slice of cucumber."
"Certainly, Mr. Love."
As we waited for our spring water, Lindsay ranted on about how helpless and distant she felt towards her mate. It instantly dawned on me that she was totally unaware if the 3i principle.
"The three principles? she innocently asked. "Who are they?"
I smiled as I began my explanation...

The 3i principle:
Imagine your partner going to the park looking to play ball."
"Okaaaay..." she said looking somewhat puzzled.
"He has all of his equipment and is eager to play." I continued.
"You noticed him approaching the fence(when you first met him), but as far as you were concerned, he was an "intruder" so you ignored him."
"Ignored? Hell, no! I would have called the police!" she blurted.
"Lindsay..."
"I'm sorry, Vincent. Go on."
"Thank you... Now, instead of leaving he stays, eventually making his way from behind the fence and onto the field. You "included" him in the game when you accepted his first date. You didn't readily appoint him Captain, but you did like the way he played the game. After a few victories, you completely turned over the play book and allowed him to meet your son. Your lives had become "infused" with one another's and he was elected a permanent member of the team. If it did not flow in that order, then it was out of order". I concluded.
"That doesn't sound anything like what happened over here!" she lamented.
Our conversation was interrupted by the soft chirp of her cell phone. It was her sitter announcing an issue with her child. Apparently he'd confused the  bar of hotel soap with a piece of candy.
"That boy will eat anything! she said over her shoulder as she hurried along the sand. "Maybe I will see you later this evening!"
I pulled my shades over my eyes and leaned back into my hammock.
"Not if I see you first." I thought.

Loving on Credit. What's your score?

I sat on the passenger seat of a brand new apple red Ferrari, visibly on edge as we peeled out of the parking lot of Prestige Imports and onto Biscayne Blvd. Ariana was one of my younger clients. She was making her mark as an up-and-coming software designer, and although she was not as wealthy as my other patrons, she was well on her way.

"I'm so glad I was approved for that auto loan, she exclaimed. "I can't wait to show this baby to my friends!"

My attention drifted inward as my mind formulated an interesting analogy... Loving on credit.

Fact: Most relationships operate...on a subconscious credit system.

There is a sense of ownership that accompany status symbols. Automobiles, homes, expensive jewelry...all add to the importance of accomplishment and the feeling that one has undoubtedly arrived. You finally have it all! That's the illusion of good credit...

"Did you even hear a word I said?" snapped Ariana."It's like I'm over here talking to myself."

In my profession, an occasional fib is acceptable.

So I lied...

"I heard every word you said, sweetheart. Continue."

(Now, where were we? Oh yeah.)

Let's go deeper.

When you emotionally fall for a person, you "buy" that relationship on credit. You get to test drive it, take it home, and use it any way you like. Being free to handle the merchandise in such a manner creates a false sense of security. You begin to believe that you actually own these items, but in reality, you do not; the BANK does. You are simply a borrower, and they will never belong to you until you pay the total price of ownership; they only appear to be yours. This can be proven by neglecting a few payments. See how long it takes before the valid owner comes to repossess their property. So it is with love. No matter how excited you are about that new relationship, in the beginning, that person will never belong to you until you eventually pay the total price over time. Miss a few payments by consistently mistreating them and seeing how long they stick around. It takes time to develop great credit (or a great relationship), and it takes time to maintain or destroy it.

'It's so responsive. I can let go of the wheel, and it would drive itself!" 

I tightly closed my eyes.

Beware of impulse buying.

This type of spending usually leaves us holding a bag of regret. We saw something that we thought we wanted and made a quick, emotional decision without thoroughly weighing our options. Now you're stuck. Often, the first deal is not the best, and hasty decisions leave us paying for some undesired thing. (usually for eighteen years and longer), with the precious years of our life. These headaches could have been avoided if we had only taken a Kit Kat moment. Window shop (date) and come back tomorrow. It's wise to slow down to be sure because time wasted is time lost.

"This thing can fly! We're almost at the beach, Vincent."

"I see, and it was a lot more comfortable than riding your broomstick."

"I bet you wish I were riding your broomstick. Let's see you use that smart mouth later on tonight."

Final thought... Be honest with yourself.

Do a self-evaluation. You know your drama better than anyone else does. Would you really date yourself? If not, change. You must first become the type of person you are hoping to attract. I hate to be blunt, but if you are perpetually attracting losers, the apple isn't falling too far from the tree.

I smiled as we skidded to a stop. Not that I was fazed by the faces of the gawkers as we raised the doors and stepped from the belly of the high-performance beast, I was smiling because I was still in one piece. I smoothed the wrinkles in my white linen shirt as I walked around, grabbed Ariana by her waist, and looked her dead in her soft green eyes.

'Why wait until later when I can put my smart mouth to use right now?"

How to Survive a break-up.

It’s difficult to imagine Batman without Robin, Sherlock without Holmes, and Scooby without Doo…  Yet the loss of your significant other may have left you feeling like a superhero with no sidekick. After all, a break up is something that was reserved for “other people” until it knocked on your front door. At some point in time, we all have experienced the emotional pain, disappointment and sense of loss caused by a break up. And if you haven’t, keep on living; you’ll get your chance! It’s inevitable. As long as you choose to romantically engage another human being you will eventually be told (or end up telling} someone to kick rocks. At first, you may feel you can’t survive without the familiar support and comfort of your ex lover, but you can! Reaching the fork in the road doesn’t have to leave you stranded on the “highway of love “. Following these two suggestions will work wonders in helping you get back on your feet in no time.

Step one: CRY.  In a situation like this, it’s okay to be a big baby. Tears cleanse the soul. The tendency to internalize your frustration only lengthens the recovery process. It happened. He or she is gone and it HURTS! Take as much time as you need to embrace this reality. Moving forward too quickly could cause you to carry excessive baggage into your next relationship. It’s never a good idea to make someone pay for another person’s mistakes. It may seem callow, but it works. So, forgive yourself.  Have “one last cry” and leave it there.

Step Two: Rediscover your identity. It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship. Often times we were so preoccupied with the other person that we lost sight on our own uniqueness. If we will be honest, most of us could admit to initially adding or subtracting significant portions of our personality to appease the object of our affection. Now that we are single, we may find ourselves in a stupor.  We often can’t think past the other person as to what it took to make us happy. When we were in a relationship we were happily engaged in the task of “molding” our partner into the shape we wanted them to be in. It never really dawned on us that, in the process, we were being molded, by them, as well. Reconnect with your individuality; get back to being you. 

The STD most men hide...

Today one of my clients looked like she had just sucked a lemon. Now as a gigolo with seventeen years in the business, I have been privy to many intimate conversations with women from all walks of life. Today, my client asked me how she, an attractive, educated, and well established professional was having a hard time getting her "man" to take their relationship to the next level. One question revealed the whole story.
"Are the both of you dating other people?" I asked.
"Yes, we see other people, but I don't have the same connection with anyone else." she replied.
Her diagnosis was simple. She was an acute S.T.D. while S.O.S. I thought she was going to slap me.
"I do not have an emergency case of a sexually transmitted disease. I'm smart enough to use protection!" she exclaimed.
Now, I was happy to hear she practiced safe sex, but the S.T.D. S.O.S I was referring to was an acronym. Something To Do while Stuck On Stupid. This lady had fallen victim to a charismatic charm and personality and had been willing to share those goodies with other women.
If you are allowing a man to actively date other women in front of your face, why do you expect it to go to another level? What's the point of buying a single cow when he can have a pasture full of milk?
Tip for the day: Don't line dance, when you want to two step.

He said "I love you." then punched her in the face...

"Damn it!" he said as he punched his fist through the bedroom drywall.
This was the third time in less than a month that he had taken his frustration out on an inanimate object. Where were these sudden outbursts of anger coming from?  When she first met Joe he was so gentle, kind, attentive... She remembered their Genesis. It amused her how meticulous he was. Whenever they strolled through the park, he would actually alter his footsteps to avoid stepping on an insect.
"Girl, he wouldn't hurt a fly." she used to tell her friends. You can imagine her surprise the first time he punched her in the face...
Her intuition told her to run, her emotions suggested she wait.
She STAYED...
It had been such a long time since she had been in a relationship, most men just wanted to play games, but not Joe. He had pursued her like she was the last woman on Earth. An insatiable thirst drew him to her waters. He was generous with his wallet and compliments and the twinge of jealousy he displayed whenever he felt another man was pushing up on his territory turned her on! Men didn't react like that if they didn't care; did they? Large hands caressing the small of her back, moist lips and tender kisses against the nape of her neck...
Most nights they made love into the wee hours of the morning.  He was the man of her dreams.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
"I'm sorry, honey. Please open the door."Joe pleaded from outside her bedroom window.
"I've been a jerk. I promise this will be the last time you will ever have to deal with something like this, please let me in."
She remained silent.
"I brought you a gift.. please, baby, we can work this out... I love you!"
Those three words melted her heart. Was he actually crying?
"He isn't that bad, he's just been under a lot of pressure lately." she reasoned.
Her black eye and bruised cheek were just beginning to heal...
 "Baby, please." he said as he wiped the tears from his face.
 "I refuse to live my life without you!"
The fear of loneliness compelled her to action.
"Don't do it!" cried an inner voice as she forced herself off the bed,
"Breathe..." she thought, her racing heart pumping blood much faster than it normally would.
 "We're just going to talk"
Shaking hands and wobbly legs carried her towards the front door.
"Just one more chance, baby, I promise this will be the last time, open the door..."
Nobody is perfect, everyone deserved another chance. This time he really sounded sincere.
"Do you promise this will be the last time, Joe?"
"Yes, honey. I promise. I love you!"
"Don't do it!" the voice in her head pleaded.
"I love you too, baby!" she said as she unlocked the deadbolt and flung open the front door.
"I knew we could work things out, sweetheart!' she smiled.
The autumn night breeze that cooled her tear stained face was instantly replaced by the hot, searing pain of acid as it burned into her skin and melted her flesh.
"I told you this would be the last time you would go through this!" he said as he watched her beauty dissolve.
"Thanks to you, I finally became a man of my word."
She died.
Point to Ponder: Red flags signal danger for a reason; get out while you can.

For Men's eyes only...

Gentlemen, gather around the Round Table as I expose a Crown Jewel of "the game".
Rule: A woman cannot help who she is attracted to.
She most certainly, however, controls how she manages that attraction. That's where the art of manipulation comes into play. In the realm of attraction, opposites attract and confidence is key. No woman likes a "yes" man. Set expectations for them to abide by and boundaries that must not be crossed.
Hard Truth: Women live by the unspoken notion that they are the prize to be attained and therefore expect men to cater to their every whim. Men who fall for this tactic seldom ever realize their own power. The truth is, men are in the minority and in high demand.
Fact: We do not have to jump through flaming hoops or compete for a woman's attention anymore. Unless they choose an alternative lifestyle they have no choice but to reassess their expectations and redefine outdated definitions of what modern day relationships consist of.  In today's world, they have to compete for our attention and prove themselves worthy or sit on the sidelines alone.
Tip for the day:  Make her work for your attention as hard as you're working for hers.

The Denny

"Do you find me attractive?" she asked while standing in front of the full length mirror.
Relatively speaking, this woman was one of the most sought after actresses in Hollywood and after being featured on the cover of a magazine as "The Sexiest Woman Alive" a few years back, I thought she was trying to be funny.
"I'm here with you aren't I?"
"You're here because I'm paying you. Now please, answer the question."
Was she serious?
This has always vexed me; how, externally, the most beautiful "Dyme" can internally identify with a discarded penny. (I refer to them as Dennies) This single trait has kept me relevant and employed for many years.


Fact: Dennies have no problem at all getting a man, they just can't seem to keep one.

Your below average self esteem will eventually override your above average appearance.
Whenever that happens, prepare to travel the highway of love alone. External beauty has always dissolved to insignificance against the pale backdrop of emotional insecurity.
"Dennies'' cannot keep a man because they try too hard.
Are you a Dennie?  Ask yourself these two questions...
"How hard was it to attract him in the first place?'
I assume about as hard as eating an Oreo cookie. Now ask yourself this:
"How have the dynamics changed from then until now?"
If you find that you have become a distrusting nag, you are a "Dennie".
That same man who pursued you like you were the last cup of water in the Sahara Desert will turn around and avoid you like a convict dodging the police if you evolve into this. Your mouth will render your face and physique insignificant. Sure, he can be replaced, but be honest, aren't you tired of going around the same old mountain, man after man, year after year? If so, get your sexy back AND KEEP It! Too many women these days relate their sex appeal to tight fitting clothing and how close they can get to being naked without being arrested for indecent exposure. If  that's you, you're missing the bus. Sexy has and always will be a state of mind.  Rediscover your value and start being the "Dyme" you were created to be.
 Tip for the day: Lose your insecurity and find your man.

The best lovemaking position?

The best lovemaking position?

It can be quite difficult to find the right one since men and women have different mind-blowing positions. Another fact that you should know about lovemaking is that you can intensify the sensation by moving one inch in either direction while doing the deed..

Attention to Female

Reverse Missionary –This is one of the best positions for women. It is the typical missionary position except the woman is on top. She assumes control and can stimulate areas such as the G-Spot and the clitoris. Gents, chivalry should be incorporated in lovemaking, so let your lady reach her plataeu first.

Bow wow wow, yippy yo, yippy yay!

Men are called “canines” for a reason. They LOVE the doggie style. It may not be as intimate as other positions since you cannot gaze into each other’s eyes, however, there are many sexual benefits this trade off allows. First, you can caress her breasts, back, neck, stomach and even her clitoris. Secondly, she can touch her own body and increase her sensation.

 (Please note that guys are usually more visually stimulated than women so the view of their woman’s apple-shaped bottom floating back and forth in the air is nothing short of heaven. Men like to watch while doing the deed.)

You will find hundreds of lovemaking positions in books like Kama Sutra, but actually there are only about eight  (with variation) that really spice things up. Variety is the spice of life and it is very important that you learn the sexual needs of your partner. Be adventurous and have fun exploring each others “zones of enchantment”.