Male P.M.S.

I will undoubtedly receive thousands of letters from my male counterparts for exposing this scarcely communicated fact, but, so be it. I have grown accustomed to controversy over the years.

Little known fact: Men endure symptoms of P.M.S.
Now, obviously our symptoms are not the same as a woman's and if you are at all familiar with my writings, you know that I am big on acronyms. The classic male disorder can be defined as follows:

P.power M.money S.sex

Unlike women who generally loathe their "time of the month", most men wholeheartedly embrace ours. The testosterone driven desire for power, money and sex has caused many men to veer off the narrow path of sane and rational behavior.

Truth: A house divided CANNOT stand...so know what you're working with.

Our insatiable quest for these three trinkets cause us to be most volatile in our personal relationships. On the one hand we want the monogamous relationship but, on the other, we strongly desire the status that these three kings will bring us, so we are forced to choose. Often times than not, men will choose the latter  because the former can always be attained afterward. Most women I know are attracted to the man in possession of these three kings when they first meet him. but the piece most overlooked is that his definition of success came in three. Power, Money AND Sex. The first two kings do not present an obstacle because they, too, may benefit by association, but they vehemently fight to dethrone the third mighty king by thinking that, somehow, their sex alone should be enough to satiate his thirst. That's the first mistake. The successful man knows that he has plenty options and is very accustomed to exercising them at leisure.

Hard Truth: Remember the Golden Rule...
This is not an equal opportunity situation. He is golden so you don't rule. If you did not contribute to the accumulation, do not try to influence the distribution. I know you are all that and he should feel "lucky" to have you, but in his particular area of operation, you are one of many. I will bring this to a close by simply stating that high hopes equal high consequences and male P.M.S. is a reality. Honestly assess the object of your desire and determine if he is either in possession of or in route to these "three kings" and govern yourself accordingly.

Fake Friends

I arrived to find her weeping on the marble bathroom floor. Deep down she knew her friends didn't love her. The clues were too obvious to deny. Whenever she would experience occasional  hardship in her life they were among the first to say,  "I told you so!"  Being knocked to the ground by a unscrupulous stranger is one thing, but to be dragged through the mud by people who profess to love you is something different altogether.

"No one understands me." she said between sobs, "What do you do when your best isn't good enough?"

 That was a great question. It was a question asked by a fragile heart riddled with years of disappointment.
A question that could not be glossed over with some generic, garden variety response that would provide temporary relief but no lasting benefit. I twirled a few of her curly locks between my fingers while I searched for a reply.
 I spoke the two words that came to mind:
 "Do better."
She looked up at me with those tear filled eyes.
"Do better?" she quietly whispered, "but I always give them my best."
Sigh...
Step back, I'm going in...

"Doing your best for people ill-inclined to recognize your efforts is like comparing a banjo to a violin. Both have strings and both are capable of producing music, but the sound quality, tonality and pitch will vary greatly. Whereas one is considered rather common, the other has an air of sophistication and class. So it is with people. Sometimes "doing better" simply means upgrading your audience. not altering the way you play."
"But they have always been there for me all along, I can't just let them go." she sniffled.
"Venereal diseases have been there for you all along too, but you seem to have avoided them pretty nicely."
"Ew, that's disgusting. You're crazy, Vincent!" she giggled.
 At least the sun was beginning to break through the clouds.
 "You appoint the people you want close to your heart and you redesignate the ones you do not. Real friends serve as "kickstands"  when you lean. Fake friends just "kick". ( and figuratively speaking, this girl had a gang of footprints on her back) "The point I am making is that you have the power to choose."
"It's not that simple. You make it sound so easy." she whined.
"Definitely not easy, but absolutely possible. Let's start by getting you off this bathroom floor and into that shower. You smell."

After her bath we left the estate and painted the town. There is so much to do in LA and needless to say we had a marvelous time. A few weeks later I was rummaging through a stack of letters when I happened to come across this particular ditty. Eyeing the envelope I knew exactly who it was from... It read:

Update:  Dear Vincent, three months have passed since our last rendezvous and I am happy to report that I have regained my strength! My new reality show is about to debut on a major network, I have met exciting new friends (and have added a couple million to the bank account) I feel it safe to say, thanks to you, that I have a new outlook on life! Thanks for the great advice and if you aren't doing anything this weekend I would love to fly you out to Aruba to celebrate! I hope to see you in a few days.Hugs and kisses ...  Lisa R.

I smiled as I refolded the letter and placed it over the fireplace.

"Aruba, here I come."